Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Grief
I know I can't say this eloquently enough, but my friend and her husband don't deserve this. No one deserves this. They are burying their youngest daughter tomorrow, 2 weeks after her 18th birthday. They did everything right, 2 beautiful, talented daughters, the older one in college, the other a senior in high school until last Friday afternoon. The girls excelled in academics and sports. The 18 year old was the captain of the soccer team and had played since she was a tyke. My friend worked with us many years ago, we took turns being pregnant in those days, one after another, bringing home new babies. You worry all the time, but you have to believe, as you sit through recitals, games, concerts, and matches, that everything will be alright. They start kindergarten and then they seem to be driving and going to prom, and all those years of lessons and laughing and age appropriate discussions...where did they go? This was a mom who took photos of everything, who always whipped out the newest picture from her purse when we happened to meet. Today, standing at the funeral home, in front of hundreds of photos tacked onto boards, her words were "let us share our daughter with you" as she pointed out the beautiful blonde with the grin in family photos, photos with her friends, her dogs, and her sister. We pray daily, hourly, sometimes minute by minute, that ours that we love will be safe and happy, and I am so grateful that tonight, for mine, that is true, but I am heartbroken for my friend because her heart will never be the same.
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I clicked on your blog because it appeared in the list of "referrers" in the stats on my blog.
ReplyDeleteOh my God - how very sorry I am to read about the death of your friend's daughter - it made me cry.
My daughter died in a car accident 12 days after her 19th birthday - I also had two girls.
This October 31st it will be 19 years since she died - we survived - and so will your friends - but no - they will never be the same.
Several years ago I wrote a blog post "In Loving Memory" that may be of some comfort - it has some links to my favorite books.
http://pananani.wordpress.com/2008/10/31/in-loving-memory/
Carol
Carol, I am so sorry about your daughter. I read your memorial. Your words took so much courage to write. This was also a car accident, kids driving too fast, but C had chosen to wear her seatbelt and died in the car, while her friend was thrown from the car and lives. There just isn't any logic about it. Randonness is a fearful thing. I know you are correct in feeling that they might get used to it with time, but I can certainly believe that it won't ever be really right again. Thank you, I am really glad that you left comments today. I enjoy your blog and I hope you don't mind that I put it under my Inspiration heading. I'll include you and your daughter in my thoughts tonight.
ReplyDeleteI thought about your friend's family off and on all day yesterday. Now the rituals/rites are over and the friends have gone home the rest of their lives begin - without her. I grieve for them - even though I don't know them.
ReplyDeleteJoey died because she wasn't wearing her seat belt and was thrown from the car - C. died because she was wearing her seat belt and stayed in the car - randomness is indeed a fearful thing.
I am honored you think enough of my little blog to add it to your "inspiration" list - I have added yours to my blogroll and will be back to visit.
You are correct to recognize your friend, as well as her family, will never be the same again. Sad. Hope and dreams are taken away sadly, at such a very young age. My heart and prayers goes out to this family in that they find strength to unite and go on.
ReplyDeleteSewCalGal
www.sewcalgal.blogspot.com